Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
