Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
