Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
