There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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