In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
