Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
