I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am naked and annoyed.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
