My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
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