i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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