I look better un-naked...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
