Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
