I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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