It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
