I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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