I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
