May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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