hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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