I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
