dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
