its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
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Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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