i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
