If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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