Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
