Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
