Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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