he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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