Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
