i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
