I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
