he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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