i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?