Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
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the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life