my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.