Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.