I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
