woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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