Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i think my cat just said my name.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
