How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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