We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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