ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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