evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
