mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
