I hate your face
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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