Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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