I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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