I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
