Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
