some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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