If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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