The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
