I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
