my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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