I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
