Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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