I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT