This is not my ceiling
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.