I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level