just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back