He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
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How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.