so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
