yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
