I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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