You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize