he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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