Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
