Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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