you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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