I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
