go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
