i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
