I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
